joy isn't the same as happiness. being happy is an emotion. susceptible to the fluctuations of this broken heart. joy? there's a consciousness to that. irrepressible. constant. a confidence that sustains you through the black - the warmth of fire even when you can't see it.
gosh our god is good.
i dn where the text got losted, but ill keep thinking through my fingers here...while we were still sinners, christ died for the ungodly. that's more than putting up with it. that's going thru hell to hold you. i've been thinking about what jesus would've been like as a teen. perfect. i wonder what that would look like. haha. like, would he have got teen angst? regardless, he knows what it's like. i think we can take enormous comfort in that. he understands - but he also knows how to overcome it. cos it's lame.i dn about you, but i find it's the times when i feel most despondent that i'm thrown into the deepest introspection.
i'm kinda conscious of my apathy, and it takes that to snap me out of it. i decided a while back, and i maintain, that when life is crap you feel the most alive. ('a heart that hurts is a heart that beats' - one step closer) feeling vacant isn't exactly 'crap' - it's kinda the empty space in between... almost always it takes a pit for u to realise how desperately u need saving.
my mind is pretty whacked. and sometimes it gets me places that i can't get out of. but, it's weird - even in those places, i can still feel god. and he wrestles with me.
and then he grabs me by the armpits and plonks me back on my feet.
:) like my dad.
this has been my fav verse for 3 years now...
'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power in made perfect in weakness' 2 cor 12:9
he doesn't demand u to fix everything. he just wants you. just plain, broken, flawed, heinously angsty, YOU. and he will bring glory to his name THRU those things. because our God is freakin' awesome. :)
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