i've kinda resigned to its inevitability.
the bubbly feeling inside my heart, the neurons bursting with possibility inside my brain, the former distracting the latter from reality and tantalising it down a familiar rabbit hole in which irrationality rules and imagination reigns.
but i want to try and unravel my heart, my mind, and find out what's going on in those metaphorical cavities within them. because whatever it is, it sees me falling time and time again into silly preoccupations with 30-something male actors, most frequently with british/irish/scottish accents.
is it just harmless escapism? or does it reflect something of a dissatisfaction with how things are? is it idolising things, states of being, that are other than the only one who is worthy? i just watched 'confessions of a shopaholic', and just as her addiction to clothes is fueled by an addiction to the feeling of synthetic happiness injected into her bloodstream each time she buys, so too my addiction to these mystical men with accents is fueled by my longing to be taken out of the normality of my life. there's something different about them, and maybe it's the prospect of someone different paying attention to me that makes my heart feel like maybe, just maybe, this exotic person will be able to either appreciate something about me that to everyone else is boring, or will be able to effect change in me so that i will have a vibrancy i just don't see with my quotidian eyes.
why do we long after 'the other'?
the more i think about this, the more i'm convinced it's more than just the intrigue factor.
i think it reflects something about who we are. we long for something to complete us, we who are stuck in our sense of lacking. we want something to change. to alter us radically. to make us full and whole and real... i was going to say 'full and whole and real again' - but i don't think i've ever actually been those things before. but something inside my heart feels like i have. as though i've been wired to long to be filled and restored and brought to life.
the tragedy is that we (and by we i mean me) go looking to be made whole in the accents (of all things!) of ordinary people experiencing the same fundamental ache, instead of the one place that can actually restore us.
2 comments:
firstly steph, that was beautifully written.
I have a few thoughts:
1. I am a total sucker for an Irish accent and so feel your pain. I wonder if they have the same thing for Aussies? (sorry a little bit silly and not so serious point to begin but its just to let you know I am feeling quite convicted about this myself and do relate)
2. I don't necessarily think there is such a thing as "harmless escapism", mainly because if we are trying to escape the reality of our lives, the world and its depravity then we are creating a delusion that can affect our view of those around us. The desperation in people's lives can wash over us as we think to ourselves "it's just normal to be, think, and do such things." For the purpose of God's mission being fulfilled here on earth we must be in the world, but of course, not of it. I definitely think there is a place for relaxation, I just don't know how much good it can do if we spend this time focusing on worldly things, and in some ways sinful desires. And thus, do believe it is a dissatisfaction with life as God has given it, which in some ways is right and good.
2. I think we need to in some ways combat the social perceptions that are presented to us in media. There are so many misconceptions of life presented. We need to shield ourselves from the temptations presented by this world. I don't know how to do this non-legalistically and non-self-righteously. But I think it has a lot to do with standing firm within the reality God has revealed to us and dealing with it daily.
3. I think the synthetic happiness felt by different things could be a blessing from God, as long as we acknowledge him in all we have, do, see, think, touch and be thankful and content with what he has given us. I think you can both enjoy this creation and be thankful for it. It is when it turns into idolatry of creation rather than worship of Creator that it becomes problematic.
4. I also think it is when this enjoyment of creation because a pursuit of creation rather than pursuit of Creator, holiness, and looking to the redemption of creation that it becomes harmful and idolatrous. We need to be searching, striving, and steering others towards what God has promised for us, full maturity in Christ, redemption, salvation, and eternity with our Creator.
Those are some of my thoughts. In saying all this I am realising how truly weak and fallen I am and how much I need my Saviour's help to even attempt to battle against the temptation of escapism and longing for worldly things over what God has planned for me from the beginning.
Thankyou for the blog Steph. Really encouraging to reflect with you.
sorry about the numbering of last comment...
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