.faithlessness

i waste so much. of my time. of my efforts. of my gifts.
and mostly that is because i resist Him invading my heart and taking me captive to His love. my state of lovelessness for Him flows into a lovelessness for others, and cripples my capacity to live deeply and fully. but being in LOVE with Him?
that is what i desire. i want to be running after His heart every moment, to be fueled by the fire inside His eyes to love all people with a radical and distinctive love. a love that is unashamed and unconditional on reciprocation.
because that is what redemption from a lukewarm life of lulls that fluctuate between numbness and spiritual amnesia looks like, i think.
i don't want to straddle the beam in life. i don't want to be bound by security and comfort and expectation. i want to live freely, deeply, radically. not to live recklessly, necessarily - but to love recklessly. with self-abandon.
to not waste a moment on things that won't count for eternity.