.living in faith

as mentioned, i realised on about the 4th dec that i don't really have anything in my life that demands me to live in faith.

that demands me to depend on, to lean heavily on God for Him to come through.

and i think that not only does that demonstrate a distrust of Him, but it actually shrinks Him down to a my-size God, and reducing my expectation for His work in my life. if i were to wait on Him eagerly, expecting Him to do powerful things in my life, then i'm convinced He would work even more dramatically in my life.

as it is, i lean on human things like security, certainty and 'what i can manage'.

but i don't want a secure life. i want a full life.

if i let go of 'what i can manage', and lay it in the hands of the One who holds the billions of galaxies in a handspan, then the capacity for my life to count for His story and to make a mark on this earth for His glory is expanded one hundred fold.

so, having deactivated my facebook, already a few friends have brought up the issue of keeping in contact with friends, and maintaining relationships that otherwise would fall by the wayside without the convenience of online communication.

i feel this acutely. this was the main reason i brushed aside the conviction for a few months.

i'll spare you the ins and outs of my conversation with myself and with God. to my shame, most of the conversation was with myself, until my heart stumbled across this whole conviction of living without faith.

by honouring Him, and seeking His face and His heart, and eagerly waiting for Him to do powerful things for His glory through me, why should i doubt that He would be unable to ensure that the friendships He desires for me to be in will be maintained?

i realised that most of the friendships on facebook aren't healthy, because i don't actually make any effort with them. this season will demand that i make effort, and actually consider other people as better and more important than myself, more important than the other things i could spend my time on, rather than as an ornament to my life, and my Wall or Mutual Friends list. i will have to pursue relationships, whereas on facebook my interactions with people are incidental not intentional.

i'm ashamed that i depend on facebook to the extent that by deactivating it, it's stepping out in faith, for me. but that's what it is.

and that's what i want.
a faith-filled and a faithful life.

this year i want to run, and run hard. out of comfort. out of stagnancy. out of lovelessness. out of faithlessness.

i can't. but He can.
do it, Lord. for Your name's sake.
to the One who gave it all. the best of Himself.