Fidgeting.
Not with my hands.
With my mind.

A whirring and frustrated mind trickles down into a tense heart, interspersed with a feeling I'm yet to figure out.
The tension comes from being overwhelmed by how much there is to do, and how much of that hasn't been done because of my own lack of self-discipline/laziness/reluctance to put comfort aside.

The other feeling comes from a resignation to the limits of my capabilities.

I was reading some Piper last night and it was helpful. Hang on - I was going to paraphrase but I think it'll be easier if I actually get the book...

Thank you, Lord, for the lives of flawed and faith-filled saints! Thank you for grace, amazing grace, that saves and uses sinners! Lord, don't let us dream too small about our lives. Don't let us limit your power by what we see in the mirror. Help us to trust in You. Help us, as William Carey said, to expect great things from God and attempt great things for God. We are not great. But you are great. Your power is made perfect in weakness. We surrender all worldly claims on our lives. Come. Make us useful for the glory of Christ. In His great name, we pray. Amen.
(John Piper, Chapter 13, 'Life as a Vapour')

I feel like most of the things I do are never finished. At least not in the measurable sense.
Most of the things I do are talking, to do with ideas, or words, or writing, or pictures - in short, nothing practical.
Frustrating!
I'm so eager to DO things, to get my hands dirty.
And although I'm not sure what that looks like, I'm increasingly getting a vision.

South-East Asia. One of human trafficking's global hotspots. Also, perhaps the place with the most unreached people.

I'm not locking it in, by any token. But I was really struck by something I heard on Runway this week:

Don't let your life just happen to you.

Ever, Only, All for You.