.unbelief

wow. i don't think i've ever tried to uproot this one from my heart before this trip. but once i did, the more i tugged, the deeper i realised the networks of roots went. and the more i realised that i was entirely incapable of removing them.

i think that unbelief, like distrust, stems from a disconnect between who i know God is, and who i really believe Him to be.

i know that He is the supremely powerful God who is capable of ALL things, and will work ALL things to bring about His will and purposes - which are for my good, because my good is to praise His glory, and He's pretty committed to His glory, which is pretty fantastic.

i KNOW that He can speak and make the impossible happen. but there's a snag in my heart when it comes to believing that He actually will. there's a hesitation that keeps me from expecting Him to.

part of me thinks that's not necessarily a bad thing. part of me feels a bit uncomfortable 'declaring' God's blessing and favour on stuff. in fact, a lot of me feels uncomfortable with it. i get that expecting great things from God is in line with who He is. heck, everything He does is freakin' incredible! but i guess i'm just wary of playing a cosmic game of chicken with God - kinda like i'm daring Him to reneg... or maybe i just balk at the notion that i'm entitled to expect things from God.
yeah. i think it's that.
i mean.
heck.
who's God in this equation?!

but at the same time - He didn't have to make promises. and i guess i'm snubbing my nose at Him by suggesting that He didn't really mean what He said when He promised that faith could move mountains.
ahhhh. tangles in my mind.

at least this i know. all things He works for His glory. the refinement of my character to be holy, i.e. like Jesus, is where the rubber hits the road in terms of His glory in my life. that means that all things in my life are going to be working together to make me more like Jesus. that means that should i ask for something to be taken away, He could take it away to bring Himself glory because of the impossible happening in faith, and so shining His face into the darkness - but if He knows that it's going to bring Him more glory if He DOESN'T take it away, because the refinement of my character will reflect His face more clearly into the darkness, and so bring Him more glory...
He's going to do the one that brings Himself more glory.
which is for my good.
because i exist to magnify the glory of grace. and while grace is shown in physical healings etc, grace is shown off way more in its most radical work - in the stubborn human heart.